In The Darkness of Dreams 6

In the days that passed after Thrawn’s return to his ship life on the base felt quiet, almost still. It was as if the entire population were holding their breath, waiting for something to happen but nothing did.

I knew from Voss that Thrawn had gone to Wayland to retrieve equipment. That he was also planning war games as training with Ged’s fleet, getting ready for the next big push which was rumoured to be Coruscant. There was a terrible sense of urgency under the calm reports Voss gave me and I wondered what was really going on but left it alone. It would do me no good to dig at him about a topic I was certain Thrawn had forbidden him to talk about in any detail. I found it surreal to think of Coruscant once more becoming a battle ground. I had lived through such a thing once and was grateful I would not have to do so again.

Thrawn had not spoken to me about his plans in this particular matter and I had not asked because when the subject of Coruscant had been brought up he had become distant and brooding. He had spent many hours sequestered in his meditation room pondering strategies and tactics but I often had the sense that he was troubled by some of the outcomes he predicted.

“Nothing is ever set in stone, Tekari.” He had said once when I had brought the subject up one night as we lay in bed, restless and unable to sleep. “For every move I make there are hundreds of possible outcomes, not all of them in my favour. I must think carefully before I set any theory into motion.”

“It sounds like you are playing Dejarik.”

His eyebrow had arched. “Except that instead of game pieces being at risk, it’s millions of lives that hang in the balance including yours and mine. I must consider all possible permeations and consequences with infinite care which, for me, requires quiet time and thought.”

I had only nodded because there had been nothing more I could add and one of those lives hanging in the balance was growing within me. The galaxy suddenly seemed far more fragile than it had a few months prior to discovering that I was pregnant. As we had lain in bed talking there were a mass of unspoken question boiling in my brain but I had long learned that no amount of pushing on my part would gain me the answers I wanted if Thrawn was unwilling to give them. Instead I had left him alone when he required it and given him what solace I could when he had asked. After his departure I tried to keep myself busy but it was difficult. I had never enjoyed waiting and now, confined to the base with no real purpose, it was harder than ever.

Every day brought with it new discoveries about the tiny life I was carrying. I could feel him move, I could sense his being within me and even though it was pure fantasy I believed he could sense me too. I had asked Syal about this one day, feeling foolish but she had just smiled, telling me this was perfectly normal.

“Of course he is aware of you, he is listening to your heartbeat isn’t he?” She had asked when I had spoken of it shyly.

I had smiled. “Were you this jittery with your first?” I had asked.

A sliver of sorrow had crossed her face for a second but it was gone before I could make sense of it, I wasn’t sure she even knew it had been there. Before I could ask what I had said to upset her, she had nodded and answered me. “Oh worse, I think.” She had said. “Davin was born small and too early. He was quiet in the womb, much like he is now, quiet and thoughtful. In fact he was so quiet sometimes I used to wonder if he was there at all. I ran to the medlab on many an occasion to see if everything was still alright. Chak on the other hand arrived late and through most of the pregnancy he was restless and kicked like a mura almost all the time.”

“How do you get past the uncertainty?”

She had shrugged, “You don’t, not really. But with each pregnancy it gets easier because you learn what to expect, mostly. With Jagged I didn’t worry so much about the anomalies. He kicked, he moved, he punched with his fists and when he was born he came out backwards. It was as if he wanted to come into the word already standing on his own two feet and he’s been fiercely independent ever since.” She had smiled.

“Yeah, I noticed that. He’s pretty amazing. All of your boys are amazing and I love them dearly.”

“And they adore you right back.” She had replied, placing her hand over mine. “You’re going to be a wonderful mother so stop worrying so much.”

I had never been more grateful to have another woman to talk to than at that moment; she was a fountain of knowledge as well as a comfort to me in what was a very uncertain time. It was no wonder that she was the one to see when I was having a bad day and help me through it.

I had not been sleeping well and the nightmares which had been plaguing me had gotten worse leaving me with a feeling of dread I could not seem to shake. I would wake up shaking and in tears but without any real memory of what the dreams had been about which was unusual and disturbing. As the day wore on the sensation became more pressing until exasperated I ended up in the small cantina drinking something I had hoped would sooth me. Sometimes it was good just to be near other people even if they mostly ignored me. Not having anything specific to do was starting to drive me a little stir crazy, baby or not.

I was staring off into space while nursing an already cold cup of tea when Syal found me.

“Here you are.” She said sitting down across from me with a cup of tea in her hand. “You know for a small base you sure can be hard to find.”

I grinned. “It’s not that hard, just go to where there’s food.”

Syal laughed.

“Where are the boys?” I asked. “You usually don’t fly solo at this hour of the day.”

“Davin is with his tutor for another hour and Mar’sa is taking care of Chak and Jagged. I needed to get away. I don’t know what’s gotten into them today but it’s a mad house in our quarters. I swear there must be a full moon or three going on.”

I smiled but didn’t say anything.

“Is everything okay, you seem sort of distant?” She asked after a few moments.

I nodded. “Yes, I am just having one of those days, you know? I can’t settle. Everything hurts and every time I try to take a nap or go to sleep I have nightmares that make Kessel look like a holiday resort. It’s as if I took a restless pill or something, like I am expecting something bad to happen only there’s nothing going on. I think I am creating stress where there isn’t any because I am bored.”

She studied my face carefully. “Is the baby is alright?”

“According to the doc two days ago everything was fine.” I nodded. “I have my next check-up in three days. Why?”

“That’s good to know.” She sat back against her chair, “You just look a bit pale is all.”

“That’s probably due to a great lack of sleep.” I sighed, hating how I sounded. My entire universe now revolved around the tiny alien life in my belly. “I’m not used to sharing my body is all. It’s as if he’s doing everything possible to make me uncomfortable today. My back is killing me.”

She looked at me thoughtfully and then asked, “Your back? You don’t have any cramps do you?”

I looked at her as though I were seeing her for the very first time. “No, nothing like that at all. It’s just an ache. I’m not used to so much lying around. I think my muscles are rebelling against the inactivity. Plus I never seem to sleep well when Thrawn is away.”

“You’d go see the doc if you thought something was up?”

“Yes, of course.” I nodded, “Do you think there’s something wrong, should I be worried about a back ache?”

In that moment I watched her face carefully, she had something on her mind but she made the decision not to tell me anything more. Instead she just shook her head, “No of course not though maybe you should requisition a new bed. You just look tired and I am being overly protective.” She answered. It was a lie but I was too tired to press her. “We are just looking out for you is all.” She added.

I smiled. “I know. It’s as if this baby belongs to the whole base.”

“Well in a way he does you know. I mean I thought Tir and I had the perfect fairy tale romance but it’s nothing compared to you and Thrawn. You’re the perfect couple and after everything you have been through you are still together, still in love and now you will have a baby. It’s perfect and let me tell you, as an actress I should know, that’s what people want, the happy ending to a story filled with all sorts of adventure and adversity. Your life would have made a really great holo-drama you know.”

“Perfect?” I asked softly, “You think we’re the perfect couple?”

“Well it looks that way on the outside.”

I sighed. “I think Thrawn would argue on that assessment because I am probably the least perfect person I know and I must admit in the perfect world my baby’s father would not be the warlord he is, challenging the current rulers in place to bring back Imperial might.”

“Well that may be so but isn’t it nice to know people think what you have is idyllic?”

I shook my head morosely, “No.” I replied honestly. “Things that are perfect in my life have a very bad habit of going belly up in a really big bad way.”

She cocked her head to one side, “You really are having an off day aren’t you.”

“Sorry, I woke up feeling all gloom and doom and it just hasn’t gone away.”

“You think something is happening with the campaign?” Syal asked. “Have you heard anything from Thrawn?”

“No, no news good or bad.” I shrugged. “Really, I think I am just going stir crazy being here is what.” I said trying to lighten the mood a little.

She laughed and suddenly the tension that had been building dissipated. “Well, that I can understand.”

“I never thought I would say this but I actually miss Coruscant. I think I would almost give anything to be able to head out to the coco district and do some shopping, something to distract me.” Suddenly I missed Shiv and Cati more than I could say.

“Yeah. I do miss that, being able to go out for ‘caf and cake, or to the theatre. I mean I don’t regret coming here with Tir but it is hard to be so isolated and hemmed in. It’s not even as if we can really go exploring outside the perimeter either for fear of being eaten by some unknown beast.”

“Or worse, some flesh eating worm bug thing.” I nodded. “My uncle once told me it was my heart ache to be with an Imperial Navy lifer, I never really understood what he meant until I was already in too deep and it was too late. I mean Thrawn has been at war for a long time and it never worried me the way it does now. I am so scared for him, for us and for the future. This baby isn’t even born yet and I am terrified of all the awful things that could happen. Nothing I have ever done in my life has prepared me for this, nothing and it’s kind of making me go a little crazy, you know?”

“First baby jitters.” Syal said gently. “It’s normal. You are bringing a new life into the world, you worry about everything. Trust me that doesn’t go away but you learn to get over some of the what-ifs.”

I sighed. “I don’t know I have so many of those ‘what ifs’ in my head right now I think my brain will explode.”

“I’d love to tell you that once this war is over things will get better, but I’ve been saying that for most of my married life now. That’s the trouble with soldiers, pilots and warriors, there is always more to fight about.” She nodded.

There was nothing else I could add to that statement, she was absolutely right. For as long as I had known Thrawn there had been some conflict going on somewhere that he had needed to deal with. He thrived on such adversity, I was sure of it. Military problems gave his brilliant mind something to do. I was quite sure he would go crazy if he were cut off from space and strategic planning and all things in between. I remembered what he had been like when we had lived together on Coruscant while he was at the court. It had been a relief when he had been able to return to space.

I spent the rest of the day in Syal’s company ending up back in her quarters so that she could relieve her babysitter. It was a pleasant enough distraction but I was grateful when I found myself back in my own quarters which were blissfully quiet by comparison. She had not been joking when she had said it was a mad house at her place. The boys ran us both ragged with their enthusiasm and rambunctiousness.

“I hope that you aren’t quite so wild, little man.” I whispered to my belly as I walked slowly back to my own quarters. If the boy I was carrying had any opinions on this matter he kept it to himself.

I ordered supper to eat in my quarters but once it arrived I found myself playing with the food rather than eating it. I was not hungry and the mild indigestion I had been battling on and off all day wasn’t really helping much either. After pushing the vegetables about for the umpteenth time I set the plate aside and tried to watch some holo-dramas but that also proved to be futile. I simply could not settle down and eventually decided to go for a walk, taking my unfinished dinner to the dirty dish drop off in the cantina along the way.

I ended up walking through the base to end up in the main hanger bay along the high gantry where I stood for a long time just watching everyone go about their routines. I missed space, if the truth were to be told, and had I not been with child I would have requested leave to go and take my ship for a joy ride. A subtle pressure deep in my abdomen made me place my hands over the small bulge that was getting harder to disguise.

“You be quiet.” I whispered to my son, “You’ll get your shot at space soon enough, I promise.” And as I spoke the words I realised I was excited at the prospect of teaching my child how to fly.

“You know they say that talking to yourself is the first sign of madness.”

I turned around and found myself looking at Voss who was grinning from ear to ear. “I was told you were up here by the deck officer.”

I looked over the railing and waved to the deck officer on watch, Martim VanKamt. He smiled and waved back. I liked Martim, he was an old hand at the business of dock operations and he knew me almost better than I knew myself. I enjoyed working with him and we had often swapped stories about our lives and adventures while I was tinkering with or repairing a ship.

“So what’s brought you all the way up here to find me?”

“Your comm. is off.” He replied as if that explained everything.

I made a noise of exasperation. “It’s not off; it’s sitting on the table by my bed. I keep forgetting it. Seriously, I’m on the base what the hell is going to happen to me that a dozen people at any given time won’t notice? There is no where safer except for maybe the Chimaera.”

Voss made a face. “You know better than that, if Thrawn finds out you wander about here with no comm-unit he’ll not be very happy.”

“Yeah well what the eye doesn’t see the heart doesn’t grieve. I won’t tell him if you don’t.”

“Roger that.”

“So what’s up?”

“I thought you might want to know, the Chimaera is due to return to base in the next two or three days.”

“Oh, why?” I asked, feeling my heart skip a beat out of fear, “Is everything alright? I expected them to be gone for longer than just three weeks. Has something happened?”

“Everything is fine, as far as I know.” He nodded, “The Admiral intimated that it has to do with some work on his cloning projects which can only be completed here, he’s bringing equipment from Wayland for installation.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Oh?”

Voss waved his hand in a don’t ask me manner. “I really am not privy to all his secrets but apparently time is of the essence.” He said, “Anyway I thought you would like to know, he’ll be here for about two days if the installation he wishes to do goes well, maybe longer if it doesn’t.”

I sighed with a relief that was almost overwhelming, “Thank you. That’s the best news I have heard all day.” I said.

“How are you feeling?”

“Honestly, I’m terribly bored.” I said after a few seconds.

“Bored?” He was surprised. This was not the answer he had been expecting.

“Feeling a bit trapped you know.” I explained, “I’m used to being able to come and go but with this pregnancy I need stay on base and because it’s high risk I can’t do anything that might be dangerous which includes ship repair or sports of any kind so yeah, I’m bored.”

He smiled. “You know, I haven’t said anything because you didn’t seem to want to talk about it but on behalf of everyone here who’s asked me, I want to say congratulations.”

I looked at my belly. “Thank you.”

“If you need anything, you know, you only have to ask.” He said shyly as we walked down the stairs to the exit. “We are all very excited for you both.”

I smiled, “You are?”

He chuckled, “Of course we are. Your baby gives everyone hope.”

“Hope?” I swallowed down the retort that was on the tip of my tongue in favour of giving him a smile hoping he did not see beneath it to the fear and uncertainty I felt.

“Yes,” He said without explaining it further. “If you don’t mind me asking, have you picked out names yet?”

“No, not officially. According to Thrawn the Chiss don’t do the naming thing until after the baby is born and I am just superstitious.”

“Why?” Voss’s ask puzzled. “Everything is fine isn’t it?”

“Yes, everything is fine.” I said.

“So you’ve thought about names then, haven’t you?”

I grinned at his curiosity, “Yes. I have. I’ve thought about naming him after my father or maybe Thrawn’s brother but really I don’t know, I think it will have to wait until he’s born. It’s hard to name a little person I haven’t met yet and names are important.”

Voss nodded. “I can understand that. One of my cousins took nearly a week to name their first born. She also said it was a difficult matter.”

“What name did they eventually decide on?”

He chuckled, “They named him Jarren, after my great, great grandfather.” He answered.

“I suppose he will follow in your family’s illustrious footsteps?”

“I believe he will if his desire for Imperial toys is anything to go by, though my cousin Yelena would argue against it.”

“I am starting to understand why mothers do not want their sons to grow up to be soldiers.” I replied wryly.

Voss smiled. “I cannot even imagine what mothers must endure. Boys are hell, you know, but think about it this way. You carry the heir to the empire in your womb. He’ll have the whole base watching over him.”

His words sent a terrible shiver of fear through me and I gasped at a sudden pain I suspected was a kick from my son reacting to the adrenaline surge.

“Are you alright? You’ve gone as white as a Hoth snow field.”

I swallowed the fear down and nodded. “I’m fine but I should probably eat something and get some sleep.”

“You had me worried for a second, come on I’ll walk you to your quarters so you can get some rest. The Admiral would have my hide if I let anything happen to you.”

I smiled and then out of pure whim I gave him a hug and kissed him on the cheek. “I hope Thrawn knows what an amazing man and even more amazing friend you really are.”

“I’m sure he does.” Voss said half embarrassed by my sudden display of affection. He untangled himself from me and continued to see me to my quarters.

Once I was alone I made myself a cup of tea down settled down to watch one of my Holloway holo-dramas feeling humbled by the kindness of everyone around me. I was only half aware of what was playing on the screen because my mind was racing with all manner of thoughts. It had been troubling to hear Voss refer to my unborn child as the heir to the Empire; I found the very idea unsettling. I rubbed my belly gently wondering how people could make such grand assumptions about a child that had not yet even been born.

“You have no idea little man. If you were smart you’d stay put where it’s warm and safe.” I murmured softly. I waited to see if he would kick me in response but he was quiet, as if he were agreeing with my advice. Suddenly I realised I was exhausted and decided to go to bed instead of dozing in the chair in front of the holonet screen.

It took me a long time to fall asleep. In spite of being tired I was restless and could not stop my brain from buzzing at a million parsecs a second. I was glad that Thrawn would be returning to the base in a few days, his presence calmed me down. Being able to see and touch him made all the difference. He would tell me my fears were unfounded, his physical presence more soothing than any reassurances ever could be. I focused on these thoughts, trying to imagine that he was with me instead of light years away working out how best to bring the galaxy back under Imperial rile. Sleep, when it eventually came to me, did not bring any peace.

I knew I was dreaming but I was powerless to stop it. The floor beneath my bare feet was cold, black stone and the room I was in was horribly familiar to me. I walked out of the darkened turbo lift into the Emperor’s observation chamber.

“Welcome back young Merlyn.” A soft voice whispered. “I have been waiting for you.”

I shivered and wrapped my arms around my body. The long night dress was tight over my very swollen belly, the baby was due any day and I was feeling slow, heavy and swollen. “Why am I here?” I asked wearily.

“You bring me my new protégé.” The shadowed figure sitting on the throne said smugly.

I shook my head. “No.” I placed my hands protectively over my belly.

The figure moved so that the sliver of light from outside shone on his face and I gasped. It wasn’t the emperor that I had known but someone much younger, much stronger and far more virile. This was no weak old man devastated by his constant use of dark side power this man was a predator in the prime of his life.

“You carry that child for me.” He said arrogantly.

I shook my head but remained frozen to the spot I stood on. I could not move for fear. As if he sensed this, my baby kicked hard enough to hurt and I gasped at the pain of it. “No, this child is not yours, not now not ever.”

The young version of the Emperor got up from his throne like a hunting tiger who just spotted the perfect prey. “I beg to differ, my dear. You, the daughter of a Kaffir jedi and a clone warrior, have powers unattainable by normal force users that are of great value. Now this child, a cross between your genetic code and one of the brightest minds in the galaxy, will be a force to be reckoned with. I will have him as my own apprentice and train him and he will rule this galaxy with me, and help accomplish what your alien lover’s pathetic attempts cannot. Your child will be the heir to this empire that I have so long searched for and as of yet not yet been able to attain.”

“You know what Thrawn is trying to do, you know but you just sit here and watch?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “And now you want my baby to help you? You are a selfish, power hungry bastard and you always were. You should be working with Thrawn instead of sitting here planning these ridiculous schemes.”

“He is a fool.” The Emperor spat. “He cannot grasp what it takes to rule this galaxy, he cannot replace me.”

I stepped back from the jealousy I heard in the man’s voice. “Then why not help him?”

“I do not need his help.” He spat, “I have all I need right here.” He stepped off the podium and walked towards me.

I wanted to move but fear rooted me to the spot. He was taller than I ever remembered and his features would have been considered handsome had it not been for the cruelty etched on them. He walked around me as though I were a prized possession in one of his private art collections and then he placed a hand on my belly. I felt the child kick again and it hurt.

“Don’t touch me.” I pushed his hand away from me and mentally tried to calm the baby down.

He chuckled then grasped my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “You are so lovely.” He said softly, “I always regretted that I did not make you one of my concubines instead of allowing you to tryst with that blue skinned alien who thought he was better than everyone around him. And,” He added, “It was a great mistake to allow your talents go to waste under that half mechanical monster you seemed to adore for no good reason and now you are mine. That you kept your talents from me for as long you did was the only thing that saved you from being brought to me sooner.” He smiled but it never made it to his eyes, “You should have been mine then and now you are.”

“Yours?” I tried to move away from him but he held my arms tightly. “No, never. My heart does not belong to you and neither does my body or my baby.”

“Your lover is dead, the galaxy is mine for the taking and you will stand by my side.”

I shook my head, trying to make sense of it all. “No, you’re wrong! Thrawn lives and you are the one who is dead, this is not happening. This is not real!”

I wasn’t expecting what came next. I wasn’t expecting him to grab me or kiss me brutally. I wasn’t expecting to feel the terrible power of the dark-side emotions which flowed over me like water threaten to drown me. I did not know how to handle the sudden rush of heat and lust that rolled over me in waves. I writhed to get out of his grasp.

“No!” I began to struggle and scream at the same time. I could feel the baby kicking violently and the pain it was causing was almost unbearable. “No, no, no, no!” I kept saying over and over.

The emperor pulled at me so that I faced him and gave me a terrible grin, “Very well if you will not comply then I will take the child and you will die leaving him without a mother.”

I stopped struggling to stare at him in horror. “No! You can’t do that!”

“You foolish little girl you have no idea of the power of the dark side!” He growled and with that he drew back his hand and before I could stop him he pushed me hard enough to make me lose my balance.

I screamed as I fell backwards to the ground trying to ward off the Emperor’s attack. He knelt at my side, pinning me to the floor with one hand pressed on my shoulder. “It’s a pity you were spoiled by Thrawn’s touch and Vader’s stupidity. You would have made the perfect mate to stand at my side.” He said softly, caressing my face with tenderly, “But now your child alone will have to suffice.” And with that he plunged his other hand deep into my belly and began to rip my baby out of my womb.

I woke up screaming, clutching my belly in terror. For the first few moments I struggled to be free of the nightmare’s grip, gasping for breath. The pain and the fear I had known were still too fresh for me to understand that I had not left it behind in the dream world. Slowly it dawned on me that the pain in my abdomen was real.

“No….” I whispered in disbelief as a new cramp shot through me, vice like and agonizing. It took my addled brain a few seconds more to realise that something was terribly, terribly wrong.

In The Darkness of Dreams 5

Thrawn had extended his stay on the base due to work on his super secret project in the subbasement along with many other things he would not discuss with me. I didn’t try to press him. I had too much on my own mind to worry about his plans and machinations. We had spoken at length about how his campaign was going but mainly the discussion had centered on Mara Jade’s unexpected visit to the Chimaera and what had happened after that.

“She appears to be quite taken with Karrde.” Thrawn had remarked after he had finished telling me about how she and Luke Skywalker had managed to rescue Karrde form the Chimaera.

“I had heard that Talon Karrde was charismatic but I never met him. He was one of those smugglers who did not love the spot light and he deals more in information than in actual goods. He began as a small timer under a guy named Car’das.”

“Car’das?” Thrawn had interrupted. “Jorj Car’das?”

“You know of him?”

Thrawn’s smile had been enigmatic, “In a manner of speaking. I met him a very long time ago when I was still a young man. It was from him that I learned to speak basic fluently and indirectly he is responsible for the death of my brother. I lost touch of his whereabouts until I joined the Empire and then of course it was easy to obtain some information about the man although after the battle of Yavin he vanished off the scanners. I did not manage to learn much about his organisation and certainly did not know that Karrde had been a part of it. Had that been the case I would have handled the situation with him far differently.” He had said thoughtfully. “I underestimated Jade’s desire to please her new employer.”

“I’m not surprised she didn’t really want to come back and work for you.” I had said softly.

Thrawn’s eyebrow had arched significantly. “Oh?”

“She probably felt incredibly lost after the Emperor’s death and then she found Karrde. I’m betting she imprinted on him somehow, sees him as some sort of father figure or protector though she’d never ever admit that. She probably went out of her way to please him without actually realising what she was doing. She needs a powerful authority figure in her life; it’s all she’s ever known, in fact you told me that years ago. You betrayed her so that makes you the enemy now.”

“She was not planning on being a loyal member of my team.” Thrawn had replied coldly. “She was merely playing for time.”

“Whatever her reasons, you only made her hate you more. She already felt betrayed by Palpatine’s death and now you have only confirmed that feeling. She never liked you that much anyway and you gave her reason to despise you further by not honouring the bargain that was made.” I had told him. “She killed for Palpatine, she would have died for him too but he never asked her for that outright, she was valuable enough to him that he had not been ready to lose his investment.”

“I underestimated her determination.” He had said quietly. “I also did not calculate that she would go to Luke Skywalker for help or that they would manage to get to the Millennium Falcon which was in storage on the Chimaera. They killed good men to get off my ship.”

“You know, you can’t control everything or everyone. Nor can you see the future.”

He had looked at me with a smile. “I am aware of that my dear. You show me this error of my ways all the time.”

“So what was the problem with the Noghri?” I had asked.

“Some minor dissention and I had reason to believe that Leia Organa Solo was hiding on their world.”

“They gave her up?”

“No.” Thrawn had answered thoughtfully. “I believe they lied about it.”

“They Lied?”

He had nodded. “It would appear that their loyalties no longer lie solely with the Empire. I will have to monitor that situation more carefully.”

“Why didn’t you do anything about it while you were there?”

“I set some parameters in place but I have no absolute proof and the surest way to lose the respect of a people is to accuse them of a crime without proof even if they are guilty. All I have is some suspicious behaviour by a few Noghri and a feeling.” He replied, “However issues with the Noghri are the least of my concerns. I lost a ship during our last battle which means training an entire new crew from scratch.”

“I heard about the Peremptory and the Katana.”

Thrawn’s eyebrows had risen. “Really?”

“Base gossip.” I had said lightly. “There was some word about how the battle for the Katana fleet went but not a whole lot of details. We heard a ship had been lost and I pressed Voss for details. Don’t be angry with him I just needed to know it wasn’t you and now you know why.” I had taken his hand in mine and placed it on my belly.

Thrawn had just smiled. “Suffice to say my dear that I managed to achieve enough of my goal to make the next stage of my plan possible.”

I had nodded and then for no other reason than sheer meanness my stomach had rebelled and I had managed to make it to the fresher in time to vomit up lunch which had effectively ended our afternoon together.

***



I woke up with a gasp, my fists clenching the bed clothes, sweat soaked and my heart pounding violently in my chest. It took a few moments for the last remnants of the nightmare to recede and when it did I realised I was in the bed alone. For a few seconds I knew a sliver of fear and then a small light from the other room switched on.

“Za’ar?”

“I’m here,” Thrawn’s voice said from the shadows.

I slid out of the bed and slipped on my favourite robe to join him in the sitting room.

“I did not wish to wake you.” He told me as he put down the data pad he was holding.

“You didn’t.” I said with a sigh, “It’s past three, what are you doing sitting in the dark?”

“I was thinking.” He said enigmatically and patted the space on the sofa next to him.

“Thinking about what? Plans for the future or baby names?”

He smiled. “Names? No that had not yet crossed my mind. The Chiss do not name their children until a week after they are born and planning the name is not an arduous process since our children’s names are mainly pre determined by our family name. Worrying about names is not something Chiss parents spend a lot of time concerning themselves about especially as sometimes the names will change depending on a chosen career. As for plans for the future, well they are always on my mind.”

“Then what has you sitting alone in the dark at this hour of the morning?”

He sighed. “I finally received word from Admiral Larsen.”

“Oh?”

“Well, it is classified information tekari.” He said evasively confirming my worst fears.

“It’s Jarack isn’t it?”

The muscle in his jaw clenched. I just stared at him until he drew another deep breath. He placed steepled fingers against his lips, regarded me with his glowing red eyes and then said. “Very well, as you know Jarack was on assignment to the Virulent to uncover a possible rebel informant onboard, the information he found there led him to an infiltration cell based on Coruscant and that’s where Larsen believes Behl is being held.”

“That’s it?”

“It was an undercover assignment even Larsen doesn’t know everything about it. Behl had specific times he was supposed to check in but he’s missed his last three. Larsen sent an agent who was already on the planet to investigate but there was no trace of Jarack to be found. There are unsubstantiated rumours about the capture of an important imperial but Larsen cannot confirm any of it.” He paused, drew a deep breath and then continued, “Larsen told me he wanted you because it would be easy for you to slip in and out of Coruscant, you have friends there, you know things that most people don’t about the palace and information should be a simple thing for you to obtain. He was right when he said you were the best possible person for this job because you are.”

“The best person for the job.” I repeated flatly.

Thrawn nodded. “Yes but….”

I didn’t let him finish, “Best person for this job? May I remind you that I’m carrying your child? In case you hadn’t noticed, I throw up at the slightest provocation and I can’t just go running off to….”

Thrawn held up his hand, “Tekari, stop.” He commanded and I shut up. “I told him you were unavailable which produced the obvious and expected arguments however once I explained the reason he backed off.”

“What?” I was surprised. “You told Ged I was pregnant?”

“I did not see any reason to lie to him about it.” Thrawn said, “Now he understands the risks to you and he will not request it again. Did you not wish him to know? I thought that you and he were… friends?” He gestured vaguely.

“We are, at least I think so, but I just didn’t want anyone to know before you did. It just seems odd, that’s all, you telling him and it’s still too early to be telling people. You heard what Doctor Thracer said.”

“According to the doctor you are doing well in spite of all the odds against you.”

I shrugged. “It’s still early and I’d prefer the whole galaxy didn’t know.” I didn’t want to tempt fate.

He looked at me, “I wanted to be clear that you were off limits, I wanted to make sure he would not try to somehow coerce you into doing something you have no business doing right now. One of the things I admire about Admiral Larsen is his power of persuasion and I’ve seen him use it on you so I wanted there to be absolutely no misunderstandings between him and I.”

I shook my head in wonderment. “The two of you… it’s like watching two alpha male banthas fight for the rights to the herd sometimes.”

Thrawn’s eyebrow arched but he ignored the comment. “I am very surprised he was so secretive about who it was you were being asked to rescue. It would have been to his advantage to play on your attachment to Jarack. Now he is aware that the risk to your health and the health of our child out weighs his need for your skills.” He said with a thread of steel and ice running under his words. “So there will be no running off to Coruscant to launch a one woman rescue. I have arranged for people to go in and retrieve our man. It is not your worry, only the baby and your health are.”

I sat back against the couch with a sigh and pulled my robe closer around my shoulders.

“Go back to bed tekari, it’s late, you should be asleep.”

“I can’t get back to sleep after one of these dreams.” I explained. “And I have the feeling you are preparing to leave soon.”

“I was supposed to head back yesterday but there are some things which need my attention.”

“Anything I can help with?”

He shook his head. “No.”

“Does this have to do with your project in the subbasement?”

The moment of silence before he answered let me know I was right, “That project is strictly off limits.”

I made a face. “I know that and I don’t go down there ever because those furry little critters you have in the sub basements make me head blind and give me a headache but you did tell me about it so I have to assume that this part of why you come back to base and not just to see me.” I sighed.

His lips tightened slightly. “Yes, I needed to check on the progress of the prototypes but I told you when I showed you what was going on that I would not discuss it further or outside of that area and I meant what I said.”

“You complain about me having too many secrets but you’re so full of them it’s a wonder your brain doesn’t explode.”

He shrugged with one shoulder ever so slightly. “Secrets are part of the trade, my dear. You of all people should know this.”

I just gave him a look. “So when are you planning to depart?”

“If all goes well I will depart for the Chimaera at twenty hundred hours tonight. We will be headed to Wayland for a progress report and after that we will continue the campaign. The next step will be to procure shield generators and more equipment as well as take back more sectors. I hope to combine this with more training for our newest clones while manning the recent ship acquisitions, if all goes well.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

He smiled. “That is part of my job, my dear. If I do not have confidence in what I am planning how then shall the people who serve under me have confidence?”

“Will you let me know if you hear any more about Jarack?”

“Yes.”

“Promise?”

Thrawn looked at me and smiled. “I will do my very best to keep you informed, that much I can promise but no more.”

That was good enough for me. I sighed. “I know you don’t want to hear this so I will only say it once, I wish you didn’t have to go, I wish you could stay here.”

He placed the flat of his hand on my belly. “Given the current circumstances so do I but even for this miracle I cannot abandon all that we have worked so hard to achieve, not even to watch the development and birth of my son.”

I placed my hand over his. “This changes everything doesn’t it.”

His eyes glowed as he replied quietly. “In more ways than you could ever possibly imagine tekari.”

I looked into his face trying to read the underlying emotion I felt in his voice and sighed. “We don’t seem to have much luck with our timing do we?”

“Well I don’t know if I would agree with that,” He said, “but what I do know is that while the circumstances may not have been idea the outcome was. Now we are expecting our first child and I could not be more in awe of you, of this,” He patted my belly gently, “this miracle growing within you. You will be an amazing mother and this is a complication I am happy to accommodate my life to. Once I secure the Empire’s place once more as leader in this galaxy then I am quite sure we will have more time for family matters.”

I rested my head against his shoulder. “In order to do that you have to be here because this child will need a father and I will need you, so please stay alive at all costs.”

“I will do my utmost to accommodate that request and have taken as many precautions as I can to ensure the safety of everyone under my command as well as my own.” He caressed my face, “But we are at war and not even I can control everything that happens.” He withdrew his hand from my belly.

I nodded. “I would suggest that maybe you could clone yourself,” I joked, “but I don’t quite know how to take just one of you, never mind two.”

His smile was slight as he returned his attention to the small data pad on the table. “A clone? Of me? Now there’s an idea.” He said absently, as though he were actually considering it.

“It would be a really bad idea. Knowing you, you’d probably fight with each other over me and no one would survive.”

His lip twitched in amusement.

“Don’t you dare even think about it!” I told him.

He turned to look at me, crooked his finger under my chin and raised my face so that he could kiss me gently. “As my lady wishes.” He murmured before keeping my mouth occupied and me unable to talk any more which was okay, I was done with words.

***

Thrawn left the base quietly. We had never been fans of big, sentimental, messy goodbyes but this time it was hard not to feel that terrible pang of separation and the dreadful uncertainty which lay before us both. In the quiet of our quarters he kissed me passionately, whispering for me to be well, to keep the baby safe, telling me that he would be careful and that everything would be alright; all the lies couples told each other when they were parting into dangerous, uncertain times.

“I will try to keep you apprised of what is happening when I can but I cannot guarantee regular updates although I do expect them from you along with images of the scans of our child. If I cannot be there in person I wish to be there in spirit.” He said as he caressed my belly gently.

I nodded. “I will make sure you get them and I will tell our son about his father as often as I can.”

“If people see you talking to your abdomen without knowing you are with child you know what they will think.”

“They already think I am a bit weird so this will just add to the crazy Merly myth but I am sure that by the end of this week most of the base will have learned the truth, it’s hard to keep secrets here.” I answered.

“So I have noticed.” He replied with a wry smile.

Suddenly there were so many things I wanted to tell him but all the words stuck in my throat and all I could do was look into his eyes and hope that he understood until the silence became too much to bear.

“Be safe.” I whispered.

His hands were warm as he cupped my face and kissed me one last time before turning sharply on his heel leaving me alone in the sudden quiet which engulfed the room in his wake.

For a moment I just stood there holding his scent in memory, my hands wrapped over my belly quite of their own accord and for the first time I knew a fear for Thrawn that was new and entirely unwelcome.

“Okay kiddo,” I whispered to my unborn child, “It’s just you and me now.” And before I could wallow in the self pity that threatened to engulf me I turned my attention to the data pad Thrawn had conveniently left on the table for me. It held all the relevant information pertaining to Jarack Behl’s disappearance and possible capture. I had no intention of leaving the base to find Jarack but at least I could familiarize myself with the details.

In The Darkness of Dreams 4

The air in the room went very still. The moment I had both longed for and dreaded came and went in an instant. There could be no going back now and I felt as though the world had stopped. For a very long moment Thrawn just stared at me and said nothing, his expression completely unreadable. He steepled his fingers over his lips drew a deep breath and then he broke the silence.

“Pregnant?” He said very quietly.

“Yes.” I answered all the while never taking my eyes from his face.

“So you’re not ill then?” His eyebrows raised up a notch.

“No.”

“Pregnant.” This time it was more of a whisper to himself than to me and this time it wasn’t a question.

I kept quiet because now I didn’t have any more words and I still couldn’t read his expression. He sat perfectly still for another few seconds and then he stood up to pace about.

“We are going to have a child?” He asked carefully looking at me over his shoulder.

“Hopefully, if everything goes well.” I replied. He stopped pacing about and stood stock still for what seemed far too long. I wondered if the sound of my beating heart could be heard all over the base. I was suddenly very anxious.

“Say something.” I whispered finally. “Please?”

“I do not know what to say. This was….” He searched for the right word so I helped him.

“Unexpected? Unwanted? Bad timing? Unwelcome?” My own words sounded angry and I could feel myself start to shake. Tears welled in my eyes.

He looked at me and then said carefully. “Unexpected yes, but not unwanted, bad timing… perhaps but not at all unwelcome.”

I looked up into his face and blinked the tears out of my eyes.

His eyes tracked to my hands and he frowned, “You’re trembling, are you alright?”

I just stared at him, “Are you?”

He looked at me as though he were seeing me for the very first time. His eyes studied my demeanour, my expression and everything else. I sat very still and waited because there was nothing else I could do. I was terrified and it showed. The moment hung in the air and then his whole body language relaxed as sudden understanding flooded his features. “I am so blind.” He said more to himself than me as he sat down by my side.

My eyebrows bunched together in puzzlement.

“You were worried about how I would feel.” He asked with incredulity, “You thought I would be unhappy about this news? Is this why you tried to keep it a secret?”

I swallowed. “It’s awfully big news.” I whispered.

He shook his head and caressed my face gently, “I am just …” He searched for the right word and this time I stayed quiet, “…surprised tekari. Very, very surprised. I thought you were going to tell me you were deathly ill; that something terrible was happening to you or that you had some how managed to contract some incurable deadly disease. I was prepared for bad news, not this.” He drew a deep breath, “That you are pregnant was the last thing I ever imagined hearing, please forgive my reaction. As usual you surpass my ability to predict what you will do next.” He brushed my cheeks with his thumbs, wiping away my tears.

I let out the breath I had been holding and collapsed against him. “So you are not angry?”

“Angry?” He asked in surprise. “You thought I was angry?” He kissed the top of my head. “After all this time you still cannot read everything on my face. This is good to know.” He smiled. “No, I am not angry, far from it but being a father was not something I ever thought to plan for at this time of my life so I need a few moments to process this information.” He smiled, “As you said, it’s awfully big news.”

“Well I didn’t exactly plan for this either. I thought you were still taking the evexelhan plus I was told you and I would not be able to conceive.”

He cupped my face between his palms. “This is nothing short of a wonder; you are nothing short of a miracle.” He sighed, “I am unable to express how I feel in the appropriate manner and I apologise for that but believe me when I say this is the most extraordinary thing I have ever been told in my entire life.”

And with those words the dam that I had been holding back from the moment I had first heard about being pregnant burst and I sobbed into his chest while he did the only thing I needed him to do, he held me. Once the crying jag was over he handed me a tissue and got up from the bed.

“How is your stomach?” he asked.

“Better. Syal’s zjenzär tea works wonders.”

“So Syal knows? Who else does?”

“Well Syal figured it out so maybe others did too but I didn’t tell anyone, so as far as I am aware only the doctor, Syal and you. Though, come to think of it she might have told Soontir. He is her husband after all.”

“You always were the keeper of secrets.” He said gently. “So I can order some breakfast? I think you and I have a lot to talk about and I don’t know about you but I’m famished.”

I smiled and nodded. “No stim’caf though, for some reason it makes me throw up instantly.”

“So I have noticed. Is there anything else I should know about before I order?”

“Nothing fried.” I offered. “Fresh fruit works well.”

“I’ll see what the cook on duty can do.” He smiled and before I could say anything else he left.

When he returned it was with a tray laden with food. It made me laugh. He set the tray on the bed, gesturing for me to get back under the covers and sat down beside me.

“I can’t eat all of this.”

“Some of it is for me.” He replied picking up a piece of sliced fruit. “But the a’shai is for you.” The kitchen staff seem to know more about what you love to eat than I do.”

“Well they feed me more than you do.” I told him munching on a piece of toast.

“I am happy to know I leave you in capable hands.” He replied.

I glanced into his eyes and sighed. “I’m glad you’re back.”

He nodded and then he said, “So I believe you should start at the beginning and tell me everything.”

And that is what I did in between bites until both I and the food were done. He didn’t say anything. He just laid his hand upon my belly and I laid mine upon his. For a moment it was like being bathed in sunlight. I didn’t have to be a mind reader to know that in that moment the only emotion in the room was love, pure and simple.

“So for now everything is okay?” He asked once the moment had passed.

“So far so good but the doctor keeps telling me not to get too attached. His magic number is to get past two hundred days.” I didn’t mention the whole scary conversation about genetic defects and dna rejection.

“And where are you now?”

“A hundred and thirty-one.” I said quietly.

He nodded thoughtfully and then asked. “What about you, sj’iu tekari, are you okay with this?”

I drew a deep breath, “I’m scared to death. I’ve never been pregnant before, I never thought I would be a mother before and I have not exactly had a lot of experience with children or babies.”

“Having seen you with Syal and Tir’s boys I have no doubts about your abilities, you will be a great mother.” He replied meaning each and every word.

I lay back against the pillows. “Thank you.”

“I’m sorry.” He said suddenly from out of the blue.

“For what?”

“The evexelhan, I should have double checked and made sure you got my message. It never occurred to me that you might not.”

“I understand and Jarack has always managed to get your letters to me no matter what.” I shook my head. “I didn’t even know you had assigned him to the Virulent. You’re not the only one good at keeping secrets, Ged is as well.”

“Speaking of, what exactly did Larsen want from you before you landed in his arms again?” he asked after he put the tray on the table then settled back beside me.

I made a face and ignored the dig. In spite of everything I liked Ged and I didn’t understand all the hostility towards him. I decided it must be a man thing and left it alone to answer the question. “He said he needed me to retrieve an agent from behind enemy lines, his words not mine.”

Thrawn frowned. “He has qualified people for that sort of work.”

I nodded, “That’s what I told him but he was fairly insistent. It was almost as if it was something personal. One minute we’re arguing about this and the next thing I know I am in the infirmary.” I shrugged. I had told him about that. “Ged wouldn’t tell me any more about the mission unless I agreed to do it which I couldn’t but I also couldn’t tell him why not. He thinks I’ve become some weakling, wailing girl who wastes all her time waiting for her mate to return home from the wars.”

“That imagery is sweet but if that’s what he thinks of you then he doesn’t know you quite as well as he believes he does.” Thrawn said with a smile.

I sighed. “He was surprised and hurt when I told him no. His reaction was unusual. He has people far better trained than me for stuff like that. He said it had to be a civilian with a civilian ship but apart from that he wasn’t specific and I know he was holding stuff back. Do you know what he’s talking about?”

“Not off the top of my head but we have not been in communication as of late.” He said thoughtfully.

“Yes, I heard you were out in the Kessel Sector.” Thrawn’s eyebrow shot up but before he could say anything I said, “News travels fast on the base, you should know that.”

“I had some business on Honoghr addressing the Noghri, a disciplinary matter, nothing to worry about my dear.”

I frowned. “How does Rukh feel about that?”

“Rukh’s feelings are none of my concern, he does his job and he does not question my actions.” Thrawn replied coldly so that I knew there was something deeper going on but he would not talk about it and now was not the time or the place to dig.

“Okay, what about Karrde then and Mara jade?”

Thrawn made another tight lipped expression and shook his head. “This also base gossip?”

“No. Ged told me.” I said tartly. “Don’t make that cross face, I thought you were going to at least keep me in the loop. You don’t and when I asked him what was going on with the campaign, that’s what he told me.”

He sighed. “Well base scuttlebutt and Admiral Larsen seem to be keeping you well informed. We can discuss that topic at a later time.” He replied dryly and I knew this route of conversation was also a dead end for now so I switched back to talking about something a little safer.

“Why doesn’t Ged ask Jarack to do the retrieval, I mean he’s good at that sneaking around behind enemy lines stuff right?”

“Behl is already working for Larsen so probably he’s on assignment already and out of contact.”

“Ged never mentioned Jarack once.”

“Undercover means undercover, tekari. It's doubtful that, unless you told him, Larsen even knows how close you and Jarack are.”

“Yes but if Jarack had something for me then chances are if he couldn’t deliver it he would have asked Ged to. While you and the rest of the galaxy may not like Ged very much he is an Imperial officer and an honourable one at that. Jarack would have given him your letter for me but I never got it and you know that Jarack would go through hell to deliver your correspondence to ….” Suddenly I felt as though my heart had stopped.

“You just went as white as a snow field, what is it?”

“You don’t think it’s Jarack that’s missing do you?” I whispered. “That I never got your letter because Jarack never made it to the Virulent.” I shook my head, “Why didn’t Ged tell you? Jarack is your friend. If he is missing you should know this, you should….”

“Hush.” He spoke calmly, “He has been working undercover, it has to do with finding a leak on board of the Virulent. It’s entirely possible he didn’t want you to know he was there. He probably waited for the appropriate moment to get to you and you left the ship before he could do so. And if he passed the letter along to someone else to deliver it’s possible who ever it was forgot. Not everyone is as reliable as Behl.”

“But what if…?”

Thrawn’s fingers upon my lips silenced me. “Tekari, he’s working deep under cover.”

“You keep saying that! But what if it is him?” This time he let me finish the sentence. “If Jarack is missing….” I shook my head, “Ged should have told you!” I was starting stress myself out. “He should have said something sooner and not do all this silly cloak and saber stuff!”

“Tekari, calm yourself. Ged Larsen does not run to me every time he has problems, he is quite capable of dealing with missing agents himself.”

“Well apparently not since he came to me for help!” I winced at the sliver of pain I felt and clasped my hands over my belly with a gasp.

“Merlyn take a deep breath and calm down. Jarack Behl is perfectly able to take care of himself and if Larsen came to you for help then he already thinks he knows where the missing agent is. Stop jumping to conclusions based on a single missing letter. Now breathe.” Thrawn replied quietly as he placed the flat of his hand on my back and rubbed slowly so that my breathing tuned into the motion. Only when I was a lot calmer did he stop. “Better?”

I nodded, “Yes, so what now?”

“Well, if it is Behl who is missing then I need know about it. Aside from my personal correspondence to you, he was carrying exceedingly delicate information.” He said getting up off the bed. “I will try to contact the Virulent and see what Larsen has to say.”

I just looked up at him.

“What is it, tekari?”

“How long are you on base for?” I asked.

“It was only supposed to be for two days but that might change once I know more from Larsen.”

I nodded and made a face. “I hope it’s not Jarack.” I said quietly.

“Well even if that is the case, it is not your concern. Your only job is to look after our child. Do you understand?” He said leaning down to give me a kiss. “Our child.” He murmured in my ear.

I nodded. “I have a scan this morning if you want to be there to see.” I patted my belly to emphasize what I meant.

“Really? Comm. me and I will be there.” He said as he slipped on his uniform jacket. “In the mean time no stress, was that not what Thomas ordered?”

“Yes.” I nodded, surprised to hear the doctor’s first name.

“Then for once in your life follow orders please?” He smiled and only after I nodded did he leave.

I decided that in this instance being obedient seemed like a good idea and curled back up in bed until it was time to go and see the doc for the progress check. I could grill Thrawn about his campaign later.


***


I suppose we must have looked like every other couple in the world as the doctor waved the scanner over my belly, watching the screen for the images it showed. Suspense and anticipation mingled with something I could not define. Thrawn’s hand tightened around mine as the images began to clear. I gasped. It was a three dimensional picture of the baby I carried within me, perfect and more real than I could have possibly imaged.

“There’s the head.” Doctor Thracer said, then he chuckled. “He’s sucking his thumb.”

“He?” Thrawn asked.

I looked at the doctor and he nodded. “Yes Admiral, he. Miss Gabriel is carrying a boy which means you will have a son.”

Thrawn just shook his head and stroked my face with his free hand.

“I told you it was a boy, doc. It’s always men making my life hell.” I grinned. “And the little alien I’m gestating is no exception to this rule.”

The doctor moved the scanner and more images and views showed up, each one more astonishing than the last. “Everything looks in order.”

“And the placental tear?” Thrawn asked before I could.

“As far as I, and this high tech amazing equipment, can tell there do not seem to be any more issues but my orders still remain, rest, rest followed by more rest. A placental abruption could be a whole other story. You got lucky last time, the tear was small and we caught it early. We don’t want there to be a next time. You are not out of the woods yet, and this is still a high risk pregnancy because we don’t know how the baby will continue to develop or if there will be further complications due to incompatibility issues. There are still a great many unknowns but so far so good.” Doctor Thracer said as he put the scanner down. “I am being optimistically cautious here, so I won’t order complete bed rest but I cannot stress this enough; you must not over do it.”

“Okay Doc, I read you loud and clear.”

Thrawn smiled and ran his fingers over the soft, small round shape of my belly. “Amazing.” He said softly.

I glanced at the Doctor. “If you tell anyone you saw him like this I will hurt you.”

Much to my surprise both men laughed.

“Beautiful and fierce.” Thrawn said.

The doctor made a face, “More like headstrong and annoyingly stubborn.”

Thrawn nodded in agreement. “That too.”

“So we are good to go?” I asked before any more descriptions of my character got bandied about.

“Yep, until your next check up.” The doctor said and motioned for me to get up and get dressed, “Which should be in five days unless something else happens. Do not take that bracelet off.”

I nodded then motioned for the doctor to come close so that I could whisper in his ear. When I was done asking my question he smiled. “To answer your question, yes you can although I’d advise a certain amount of restraint and caution you to stop if you feel any pain or have any spotting. But the scans show that everything is okay for the time being so there is no reason to forbid you from having sex.”

I blushed. “Thanks doc.”

Thrawn smirked so I poked him on the chest. “Just because I asked if we could doesn’t mean we will.”

Thrawn’s smirk broadened.

I poked him again. “You better have the next few hours free because you have a lot to talk to me about and I am not taking no for an answer.”

“I suspected that would be the case so I am all yours until fifteen hundred hours.” He replied offering me his hand to help me down from the exam bed.

“But first I want food.” I said.

“After that breakfast, how can you be hungry?”

“It’s lunch time!” I laughed. “And now I’m eating for two!” I said with a grin. “At least that is what the doc here tells me all the time. I asked Galli to make me veghash and Denezeelian fizz pudding.”

“Not together I hope.” Thrawn said sceptically.

“That was not my plan but now that you mention it….” I grinned.

“Pregnant women and their crazy cravings. Better get used to it Admiral.” Doctor Thracer said clapping Thrawn on his arm. “Oh and Admiral…,”

“Yes?”

“While it is still too soon for my taste for this, let me be the first to say congratulations.”

Thrawn inclined his head. “Thank you.”

“Wow,” I said quietly, the reality finally sinking in, “We’re going to have a baby.”

“If things continue the way they are, it looks that way but Merlyn I know I sound like the master of doom, however I cannot stress this enough, it’s still early and there are still so many things that can go wrong so ….” Doctor Thracer began.

I finished for him. “I know, try not to get too attached. We are not out of the woods yet, but every day makes it more real. I can’t help it, I’m already attached and now I am excited as well as scared.”

“As you should be, my dear.” Doctor Thracer smiled. “Now I believe you have a lunch date with the Admiral here and I have work to do so unless there are any problems I should know about then your next check up should be in a week.” And with that he ushered us both out of his medlab.

Thrawn stopped and looked at me, “I have arranged for lunch to be brought to my private dining area and after we’ve eaten you can grill me at your leisure but I don’t guarantee you answers for all of your questions.”

I stood up on tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “Okay, let’s eat, my stomach is growling.” Food was starting to rule my life.