I woke up groggy and disoriented to find Ged sitting by the bed. It was surreal in more ways than I could say. For a moment I wondered if there was not some great cosmic joke being played at my expense when it came to the men in my life but then decided I was too tired to really care. If Ged wanted to sit and make sure I was still alive then who was I to argue but I hoped that the base scuttlebutt didn’t find out about this or else Thrawn would have a field day and I sure as hell didn’t want to deal with that right now either.
“Welcome back to the land of the living.”
I looked at Ged and smiled. “I thought you would have gone by now.”
He shrugged slightly, “We were scheduled to depart an hour ago but there was an issue with one of the supply runs.”
“So you decided to hide out here?”
“I would have been here earlier but your doctor is quite protective of you, you know.” He said with that charming smile of his. “He wouldn’t let me see you until now and only because I pulled rank. He was quite insistent I don’t do anything to, how did he put it, agitate you.”
“He’s known me for ages, saved my life a few times. He’s family.” I replied. “That whole spiced cake incident? Well if it hadn’t been for Doctor Thracer I would not be here today.”
“I can see why Thrawn keeps him on staff then. How are you feeling?” he asked, his concern was genuine.
“Better. Thank you.” I said sitting up a little.
He nodded. “You gave me a hell of a scare.”
“Sorry.” I just smiled faintly. He wasn’t the only one who had been scared. I sensed he wanted to ask more but he didn’t and I was grateful. I didn’t want to have to lie to him, I wasn’t sure he would believe any lie I told anyway.
“Look, I don’t want to get you all riled up again because I think your doctor will send Rukh after me but I could use you on the Virulent. So when you get better think about it, will you?”
I nodded. “I appreciate that but….”
Ged held up his hand. “No buts, you have a place with me and my ship. You’re a talented young woman and, my personal feelings aside, I could use your abilities. So if you change your mind….”
“Thanks.” I said, “That’s good to know. I appreciate it.” And oddly enough that was the truth. It was somehow comforting although I could never have said why I felt that way.
He looked as though he was about to say more but Doctor Thracer came in. “Miss Gabriel needs to rest.” He said in a way that brooked no argument.
“Very well.” Ged said as he leaned down to give me a light kiss on the cheek. I didn’t miss Doctor Thracer’s look of disapproval. “Next time no theatrics just chit chat and a drink, okay?”
“Aye, aye admiral.” I replied and lay back, closed my eyes and let sleep claim me again.
It was early when I woke up to see the doctor standing by me and the sound of the hand scanner humming quietly.
“Good morning.” Doctor Thracer smiled. “How are you feeling now?”
“Sleepy.” I said, “Waking up, need to use the fresher and want to clean my teeth. Has Ged gone?”
“I guess you are feeling better.” He nodded finishing up the scan. “The Virulent left orbit hours ago and Admiral Larsen along with it.”
“Don’t be too hard on him, he’s not as bad as everyone thinks.” I said with a smile.
The only answer I got to that was a disdainful look.
“So what’s the verdict?” I sighed gesturing to the scanner in the doctor’s hand.
“The scans show the baby is okay now but was in some distress earlier.” He said.
Even hearing that word was unsettling. “Distress?”
“Everything is okay for now though but you must rest until that tear is fully healed.” He waggled his finger at me. “So you are stuck in here with me for the next two days. The bacta should take care of it.”
I did not complain about that because if the truth were to be told I was grateful to have the excuse not to do anything or go anywhere but after two days I began to get restless. I wasn’t a good candidate for enforced bed rest. I never realised how much I moved during the day until I wasn’t allowed to do so and I was certain I had driven the doctor nuts. There was a palpable air of relief when he grudgingly released me from my stay in the medlab.
“I know telling you to spend most of your time lying down is like telling a rebel to sign up for the Imperial academy but I cannot stress this enough, you must take it easy especially for the next five days. I do not want to scare you, no wait I do want to scare you. So go to your quarters and lie down, or sit down in your bed and read, sleep, or watch those bad Holloway holo-dramas you like so much. You must not exert yourself. No heavy lifting, no stressful movements and no more arguments with anyone, it gets your blood pressure up and I am concerned about that as well.”
I nodded unhappily. “Yes doctor.”
“Oh and you need this.” He said handing me a slender bracelet. “It will monitor you and if there are any more emergencies that require you being carried to the infirmary in true Holloway dramatic fashion all you need to do is activate it and I will get an alert.” He showed me how to use it and then he watched as I had slipped it on my wrist.
“Ged did that whole manly rescue thing without my permission.” I replied feeling my face flush.
“Dramatic or not, he saved a lot of time by his actions and he saved you a world of pain. It could have been a lot worse if he had waited for the medical team to come to you. You owe him a thank you at some point.” He chided. “Now you may return to your quarters. Promise me you will rest and follow my orders.”
I sighed, just what I needed to owe Ged a big favour, then I nodded and let the doctor help me into a hover chair which he guided out to where the med droid was waiting.
“If have any problems you comm. me right away.” Doctor Thracer said. “I will be there as soon as possible.”
“Roger.” I said and then returned to my quarters hoping no one saw me and asked too many questions. My secret was getting harder and harder to keep. I wished Thrawn would come back soon. Some great deity must have been listening because eight days later I got my wish.
I was asleep when he arrived back on the base. It was only when he slipped quietly into the bed did I wake up enough to acknowledge his presence.
“Well this is a first.” He said softly as I snuggled into his warmth. “Usually I haven’t even stepped off the shuttle and you are wide awake, waiting for me up on the gantry. I wondered where you were.”
“It’s cold up there this time of night.” I replied, still half asleep, “Maybe you should plan for arriving during the day instead of all odd hours in the early morning. I’m tired.”
His hand caressed my face. “I’ve been replaced by a warm bed.” He smiled as he kissed the side of my neck. “But perhaps this will change your mind.” His hand wandered up under my night shirt.
The thrill of his touch made me ache and I gasped. I had almost forgotten what this felt like, it had been so long. He ran the flat of his hand over my belly, stroking over the small roundness gently and I smiled at the shivers of desire that leapt up through me but then Doctor Thracer’s words about rest sprung unwanted in my head. I caught Thrawn’s hand in mine and pulled his arm so that instead of caressing me it was wrapped around me and still.
“You must really be tired.” He said settling in to spoon around me.
“You have no idea.” I mumbled.
“Then we will have to catch up in the morning.” He murmured in my ear, his breath warm on my skin.
I just nodded, yawned and drifted back to sleep safe in his arms. When I woke up next it was morning, sunlight danced through the window and the scent of fresh stim’caf permeated the air. Thrawn smiled as he put the cup on the bedside table but unfortunately it had the opposite effect to that which he had hoped. I had no time to apologise or explain as I flew out of bed, hand clapped over my mouth, racing to the fresher just in time to throw up.
“Are you alright?” Thrawn asked through the door.
I was too busy throwing up to answer him so he knocked on the door. “Amyska?”
“Just give me a moment.” I managed to say before heaving again.
“Should I call the doctor?”
“No!” The last thing I wanted was for Doctor Thracer to come charging in with a med team thinking my morning sickness was some huge emergency.
“Merlyn?” Thrawn knocked again this time starting to sound annoyed as well as concerned.
“I’m fine.” I yelled at him when I was certain this round of vomiting had passed. By the time I came out of the fresher Thrawn was sitting in one of the reading chairs near the bed, had finished his caf and was looking at me with one of those unreadable expressions I had come to loath.
“Your definition of fine is interesting.” He remarked coolly.
“Sorry about that.” I said as I slipped carefully back into bed. “Can you take that away?” I asked waving at the offending stim’caf by the bed. “Please?”
He obliged, sitting back in the chair, cupping his hands around the mug as though to warm them. “Are you ill?”
“No.” I shook my head.
“Then what was that all about?”
“It’s nothing to worry about, really.”
“Nothing to worry about? You just spent ten minutes throwing up, it doesn’t sound like nothing to worry about.”
“I’m fine. It’s nothing.”
He took a deep breath, let it out slowly then drank from the stim’caf which had been meant for me. “I see.” which was Thrawn speak for I know you’re not telling me something and I don’t like it all that much.
“No, I don’t think you do see.” I said wearily.
“Well, my dear, you are not exactly being forthcoming with information. I would dearly like to know the truth because the base is buzzing with rumours about you.”
“Oh?” I folded my arms across my chest.
“Well, for a start I am curious as to why I am hearing about you throwing up all the time, so much so that several people have asked me if you are seriously ill, why you stopped all your work in the pit, the deck officer is quite concerned? That people think you are dying from some terrible illness because you spend more time with the doctor than you do with anyone else and why ten days ago Ged Larsen carried you to the infirmary while you screamed in pain. And now I bring you stim’caf and it sends you running to the fresher to vomit.”
“Wow, news travels fast.” I said tartly.
He tilted his head to the side. “And answers, do they also travel fast.”
I heaved myself out of bed slowly and made my way over to the kettle to make myself a cup of Syal’s magic tea to settle my stomach. Thrawn remained silent, watching me while I pottered around. When I was done I sat back on the bed and faced him warming my hands around the cup. “May I ask you a question before we start the whole Merly-interrogation thing?”
“Of course.” He said with a slight amused twitch of his lips.
“Why did you not tell me you stopped taking Evexelhan?”
A frown crossed his face. “I did tell you.” It wasn’t a lie and he was surprised by my question.
“No, I would have remembered that conversation.” I countered.
“I sent you a letter to tell you because we were out of communications range. I assigned Jarack Behl to work with Larsen, who had requested a spec-ops operative, so he was the courier.”
“A letter?” I asked sipping my tea.
“Yes. I wrote as soon as I stopped taking the drug so that you could see the Virulent’s medical officer to discuss birth control.” He said and then added more vaguely, “The evexelhan was causing some … problems.”
“There were no letters from you about that while I was on Ged’s ship.” I said with a scowl.
“Jarack might have missed you when you left to go to Hjal. You did leave the ship in rather a hurry and you didn’t tell anyone where you were headed right away either.”
I ignored the underlying reprimand. “I never got the message at all.” I was surprisingly angry all of a sudden. “Not on the Virulent, not while I was on Hjal and not after I came back here. What ever you sent, I never got it.”
He frowned some more, paused slightly then took a different tack, “What does this have to do with you being ill?”
“I’m not ill.” I said quietly, “And it has everything to do with everything.”
His eyebrow arched and he gave me that Okay I’m waiting face. “So if you are not ill, my dear, then what is wrong with you?”
“Nothing is wrong with me.” I said with a sigh.
“Merlyn….” He was losing his patience.
“I’m not sick.” I said softly, pausing while trying to find the right words. I looked at him knowing that once I told him the whole world would change, everything would change and it scared me half to death.
The expression on Thrawn’s face went from annoyed to concerned. “What is it?” He asked quietly. “Is it so terrible you cannot tell me?”
I shook my head. “It’s not terrible, I’m not ill.” I bit my lip suddenly terrified.
“Then what is it that has you acting like the world is going to end?”
I opened and closed my mouth twice while he waited and then because I couldn’t find any easy way to tell him I just said it.
“I’m not ill.” I said quietly, “I’m pregnant.”
(to be continued in January. - we both wish you all happy holidays)
A Star Wars story told from a different point of view.
20/12/2009
14/12/2009
In The Darkness of Dreams 2
Ged’s manner shifted from easy going to serious. “I would have waited until morning but I heard you were up.” He said as he shifted in his seat, crossing his leg up on his knee. “I was wondering when you would be returning to the Virulent to resume your duties there.”
I sighed and looked out of the window. Dawn was still a few hours off. “I’m not.” I said after a few seconds. I turned back to look at Ged only to find him staring at me intently.
“May I ask why?”
“I’m happy here.” I said, wincing as another strange twinge of pain lanced my belly.
Ged cocked his head to one side and regarded me carefully. “Really.” It wasn’t a question and his sarcasm annoyed me.
“Yes, really.”
“I would never have pinned you for the stay at home type of girl Merly.”
“Then you don’t know me as well as you think, Ged Larsen.” I said more sharply than I meant to.
He sat back and sighed. “You mean to tell me that you are staying here to wait for Thrawn to come back, playing the part of the devoted mate and you’re content with that?”
“You’re angry.” I said with some surprise not bothering to answer his original question.
It was his turn to draw a steadying breath. “I don’t often hear the word no.” He said being evasive.
“Ged, I’m happy here can’t we just leave it at that?” I did not want to argue with him. I did not want to have to tell him the real reason, I too could be evasive. Thrawn should be the first one to know about this child not Ged.
“Well, maybe this will change your mind. I need you.”
I grinned. I couldn’t help it. “You practice that line in front of the mirror?”
“No, and I don’t mean like that, you made that abundantly clear and I do know when to back off.”
“Thrawn spoke with you.” I said flatly reading between the lines.
“Let’s just say your place in the Grand Admiral’s life has been well clarified for me.” Ged said dryly. “You should have said something to me right from the start.”
I made a face. “Not this again.” I got up out of the chair and rubbed my belly absently. “I told you why I didn’t say anything and for the record when you actually asked about it I did tell you we were a couple, it was you who pushed the point.”
“But I was right wasn’t I?”
I scowled. “About what?”
“About the fact that a small part of you does like me.” His smile disarmed my annoyance.
“Well you were partly right, yes.” I conceded.
“Partly?”
I walked around a little, “You were right when you said I do seem to attract the scyks.”
“And the lady wins the round.” He nodded. “Come sit back down and stop pacing about you’re making this scyk nervous.”
“What do you really want Ged?” I asked ignoring his suggestion to sit.
“We, I need someone to do a pickup.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“We need a civilian and a civilian ship. We have an agent missing and we can’t get to them.”
“You don’t need me for that; you need a tac-team.” I sighed. “Who is the agent anyway?”
Ged shook his head. “I can’t tell you that until you come onboard, the information is highly classified.”
“Well it doesn’t matter, find someone else. I can’t do it.”
“Why not?”
“I told you, it’s personal.”
Ged stood up and rounded on me. “What the hell is going on with you? You’re one of the best agents we have no matter what you tell yourself. You speak multiple languages, you fly like a maniac and you are a force user. No one on the Rebel side even knows you exists, you’re a ghost in the machine. You can come and go as you please and no one would ever suspect you. You are the best person for this job and if you don’t do it chances are our agent will die, do you want that on your shoulders?”
I looked him in the eyes. “You have no idea what’s on my shoulders so back off.” I said very quietly.
He took a step back from me. “Merlyn….”
“Don’t.” I said holding up my hand. “You have a boat load of people perfectly capable to do an extraction. Why me?”
“I already told you why. Are you fishing for compliments now?”
“No.” I said icily. “I want a reasonable explanation for why you want me to do a job you have better trained people for and the ‘you’re the best agent we have crap’ doesn’t cut it. Tell me the truth or get out of my face.”
“I told you the truth. You have a civilian ship and you’re not on any of the New Republic’s lists as a known Imperial so you can slip in behind enemy lines.”
“What the hell are you talking about? Enemy lines… you sound like a bad spy from one of Jeb Holloway’s books.”
“I can’t say any more than that, not unless you tell me you’ll do this.”
“Well I can’t so stop asking me.”
Ged’s jaw tightened. “Merlyn, it’s your job!”
“My job!” I raised my voice, starting to get angry. “My job? I don’t work for you, I don’t work for the Empire any more at all to be honest and I sure as sarlacc don’t have any specific job! I am not one of your agents, or one of the Emperor’s Hands or any other fancy title you can come up with no matter what you think. I was Lord Vader’s office girl and that was hard enough. I have done my time, Ged and I am not doing this sort of work for you or anyone else. I am not an agent.”
“I beg to differ. Thrawn has used you on several occasions as just such creature. You are an Imperial agent whether or not you believe it and I am damned sure Thrawn would tell you to do as you are told in this case.”
“I wouldn’t bet on that and my answer is still no. Find someone else.”
“Why?” He asked sounding almost hurt.
“I told you it’s personal!”
“That is not an answer.”
“It’s the only answer you are going to….” Suddenly pain ripped through my abdomen and I doubled over, knees buckling to the floor, yelping in agony.
“Merly?”
I gasped as I curled over my belly protectively, my forehead touching the floor as I fought against the pain.
“What is it, are you okay?” he asked kneeling at my side.
I gripped his arm, “Get the doctor now.” I gasped as a second, sharper pain tore through me. The air danced and I could feel myself getting light headed. “Doc… now… please.”
He picked me up and almost ran out of the lounge. “Where’s the med center?” He barked at someone in the corridor. I never heard the answer because I screamed as a third even sharper pain sliced up into me. By the time he had reached the medlab Doctor Thracer was already there and waiting, someone must have alerted him we were coming.
“We’ll take it from here Admiral Larsen.” I heard the doctor say as I was laid on a gurney.
“Is she okay?”
“I have no idea but as soon as I do I’ll let you know now if you don’t mind….” Doctor Thracer said gesturing for Ged to leave as the med droid moved me into the next diagnostic room.
Once the door was closed I reached out to the doctor and caught his arm. “Is it the baby?”
“I don’t know yet. What happened?”
“Arguing.” I breathed. “One minute we’re arguing then all of a sudden it felt as though I was being impaled on a knife.”
“And now?”
“Still hurts.” I said through gritted teeth.
“Okay you need to calm down and breathe slow deep breaths for me, can you do that?”
He said.
I nodded and concentrated on doing what he had told me as the diagnostic scanner in his hand hummed quietly. When it was done the room seemed unusually silent.
“My baby?”
“The baby is fine.” He said as calmly as he could but there was worry underneath his words. “I’m giving you something for the pain.”
“What is wrong?” I asked wincing at the sting of the hypospray.
“There is a small tear in the placenta.” He said.
“Is it bad? Can you fix it?”
“It could be very serious but this tear is very small and luckily the bleeding is minimal.”
“Bleeding? I’m bleeding?”
“Yes, but it’s very minor and we’re going to deal with that now. You’re okay, do you understand. Bacta will help repair it however this means from now on in you rest and by rest I mean no stress, no exercise, no running around, no flying, no travelling, no heavy lifting or sneaking down to work in the pit, no anything and absolutely no arguing with admirals, any admirals. I should be confining you to a bed here but I know that won’t happen, so will you promise me to rest?”
“Bacta, you’re not going to put me in the tank!” I struggled to sit up but he wouldn’t let me.
“No, it can be done locally and the med droid will take care of you once I get you sedated.”
“Ged, does he know? He can’t know, not before Thrawn… he…must … not…know.” I could feel myself get ramped up again but Doctor Thracer placed a hand on my shoulder.
“You know what I said about no stress well that starts right now. I will tell Admiral Larsen you are fine, that it’s nothing to worry about. I will also tell Admiral Larsen that I want to keep you here for observation and that you need to rest which you do and the mild sedative I am giving you will make you sleep so even if he wanted to ask you questions he won’t get any answers. The Virulent is scheduled to depart once the supply loading has been done so he will be out of your hair soon enough but I have to tell you, my dear, you had better talk to Thrawn about your condition sooner rather than later. You won’t be able to keep this a secret for too much longer.”
“Why not?”
He smiled, “Because you’re starting to show.” said and before I could argue I felt the push and sting of the hypospray. The drug worked quickly and I slid into a dreamless sleep letting the medical droid do its work.
I sighed and looked out of the window. Dawn was still a few hours off. “I’m not.” I said after a few seconds. I turned back to look at Ged only to find him staring at me intently.
“May I ask why?”
“I’m happy here.” I said, wincing as another strange twinge of pain lanced my belly.
Ged cocked his head to one side and regarded me carefully. “Really.” It wasn’t a question and his sarcasm annoyed me.
“Yes, really.”
“I would never have pinned you for the stay at home type of girl Merly.”
“Then you don’t know me as well as you think, Ged Larsen.” I said more sharply than I meant to.
He sat back and sighed. “You mean to tell me that you are staying here to wait for Thrawn to come back, playing the part of the devoted mate and you’re content with that?”
“You’re angry.” I said with some surprise not bothering to answer his original question.
It was his turn to draw a steadying breath. “I don’t often hear the word no.” He said being evasive.
“Ged, I’m happy here can’t we just leave it at that?” I did not want to argue with him. I did not want to have to tell him the real reason, I too could be evasive. Thrawn should be the first one to know about this child not Ged.
“Well, maybe this will change your mind. I need you.”
I grinned. I couldn’t help it. “You practice that line in front of the mirror?”
“No, and I don’t mean like that, you made that abundantly clear and I do know when to back off.”
“Thrawn spoke with you.” I said flatly reading between the lines.
“Let’s just say your place in the Grand Admiral’s life has been well clarified for me.” Ged said dryly. “You should have said something to me right from the start.”
I made a face. “Not this again.” I got up out of the chair and rubbed my belly absently. “I told you why I didn’t say anything and for the record when you actually asked about it I did tell you we were a couple, it was you who pushed the point.”
“But I was right wasn’t I?”
I scowled. “About what?”
“About the fact that a small part of you does like me.” His smile disarmed my annoyance.
“Well you were partly right, yes.” I conceded.
“Partly?”
I walked around a little, “You were right when you said I do seem to attract the scyks.”
“And the lady wins the round.” He nodded. “Come sit back down and stop pacing about you’re making this scyk nervous.”
“What do you really want Ged?” I asked ignoring his suggestion to sit.
“We, I need someone to do a pickup.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“We need a civilian and a civilian ship. We have an agent missing and we can’t get to them.”
“You don’t need me for that; you need a tac-team.” I sighed. “Who is the agent anyway?”
Ged shook his head. “I can’t tell you that until you come onboard, the information is highly classified.”
“Well it doesn’t matter, find someone else. I can’t do it.”
“Why not?”
“I told you, it’s personal.”
Ged stood up and rounded on me. “What the hell is going on with you? You’re one of the best agents we have no matter what you tell yourself. You speak multiple languages, you fly like a maniac and you are a force user. No one on the Rebel side even knows you exists, you’re a ghost in the machine. You can come and go as you please and no one would ever suspect you. You are the best person for this job and if you don’t do it chances are our agent will die, do you want that on your shoulders?”
I looked him in the eyes. “You have no idea what’s on my shoulders so back off.” I said very quietly.
He took a step back from me. “Merlyn….”
“Don’t.” I said holding up my hand. “You have a boat load of people perfectly capable to do an extraction. Why me?”
“I already told you why. Are you fishing for compliments now?”
“No.” I said icily. “I want a reasonable explanation for why you want me to do a job you have better trained people for and the ‘you’re the best agent we have crap’ doesn’t cut it. Tell me the truth or get out of my face.”
“I told you the truth. You have a civilian ship and you’re not on any of the New Republic’s lists as a known Imperial so you can slip in behind enemy lines.”
“What the hell are you talking about? Enemy lines… you sound like a bad spy from one of Jeb Holloway’s books.”
“I can’t say any more than that, not unless you tell me you’ll do this.”
“Well I can’t so stop asking me.”
Ged’s jaw tightened. “Merlyn, it’s your job!”
“My job!” I raised my voice, starting to get angry. “My job? I don’t work for you, I don’t work for the Empire any more at all to be honest and I sure as sarlacc don’t have any specific job! I am not one of your agents, or one of the Emperor’s Hands or any other fancy title you can come up with no matter what you think. I was Lord Vader’s office girl and that was hard enough. I have done my time, Ged and I am not doing this sort of work for you or anyone else. I am not an agent.”
“I beg to differ. Thrawn has used you on several occasions as just such creature. You are an Imperial agent whether or not you believe it and I am damned sure Thrawn would tell you to do as you are told in this case.”
“I wouldn’t bet on that and my answer is still no. Find someone else.”
“Why?” He asked sounding almost hurt.
“I told you it’s personal!”
“That is not an answer.”
“It’s the only answer you are going to….” Suddenly pain ripped through my abdomen and I doubled over, knees buckling to the floor, yelping in agony.
“Merly?”
I gasped as I curled over my belly protectively, my forehead touching the floor as I fought against the pain.
“What is it, are you okay?” he asked kneeling at my side.
I gripped his arm, “Get the doctor now.” I gasped as a second, sharper pain tore through me. The air danced and I could feel myself getting light headed. “Doc… now… please.”
He picked me up and almost ran out of the lounge. “Where’s the med center?” He barked at someone in the corridor. I never heard the answer because I screamed as a third even sharper pain sliced up into me. By the time he had reached the medlab Doctor Thracer was already there and waiting, someone must have alerted him we were coming.
“We’ll take it from here Admiral Larsen.” I heard the doctor say as I was laid on a gurney.
“Is she okay?”
“I have no idea but as soon as I do I’ll let you know now if you don’t mind….” Doctor Thracer said gesturing for Ged to leave as the med droid moved me into the next diagnostic room.
Once the door was closed I reached out to the doctor and caught his arm. “Is it the baby?”
“I don’t know yet. What happened?”
“Arguing.” I breathed. “One minute we’re arguing then all of a sudden it felt as though I was being impaled on a knife.”
“And now?”
“Still hurts.” I said through gritted teeth.
“Okay you need to calm down and breathe slow deep breaths for me, can you do that?”
He said.
I nodded and concentrated on doing what he had told me as the diagnostic scanner in his hand hummed quietly. When it was done the room seemed unusually silent.
“My baby?”
“The baby is fine.” He said as calmly as he could but there was worry underneath his words. “I’m giving you something for the pain.”
“What is wrong?” I asked wincing at the sting of the hypospray.
“There is a small tear in the placenta.” He said.
“Is it bad? Can you fix it?”
“It could be very serious but this tear is very small and luckily the bleeding is minimal.”
“Bleeding? I’m bleeding?”
“Yes, but it’s very minor and we’re going to deal with that now. You’re okay, do you understand. Bacta will help repair it however this means from now on in you rest and by rest I mean no stress, no exercise, no running around, no flying, no travelling, no heavy lifting or sneaking down to work in the pit, no anything and absolutely no arguing with admirals, any admirals. I should be confining you to a bed here but I know that won’t happen, so will you promise me to rest?”
“Bacta, you’re not going to put me in the tank!” I struggled to sit up but he wouldn’t let me.
“No, it can be done locally and the med droid will take care of you once I get you sedated.”
“Ged, does he know? He can’t know, not before Thrawn… he…must … not…know.” I could feel myself get ramped up again but Doctor Thracer placed a hand on my shoulder.
“You know what I said about no stress well that starts right now. I will tell Admiral Larsen you are fine, that it’s nothing to worry about. I will also tell Admiral Larsen that I want to keep you here for observation and that you need to rest which you do and the mild sedative I am giving you will make you sleep so even if he wanted to ask you questions he won’t get any answers. The Virulent is scheduled to depart once the supply loading has been done so he will be out of your hair soon enough but I have to tell you, my dear, you had better talk to Thrawn about your condition sooner rather than later. You won’t be able to keep this a secret for too much longer.”
“Why not?”
He smiled, “Because you’re starting to show.” said and before I could argue I felt the push and sting of the hypospray. The drug worked quickly and I slid into a dreamless sleep letting the medical droid do its work.
05/12/2009
In The Darkness of Dreams 1
I woke up covered in sweat gripping my belly protectively screaming at something to stay away from my baby. When the last vestiges of the nightmare slipped away and I realised where I was, I burst into tears. Never in my life had I missed Thrawn more and never in my life had I felt so scared. Once the crying jag passed I just rested my head upon my knees, hugging them close to my chest trying to remember how to breathe.
The nightmares were almost always the same, ending with me waking while trying to protect my unborn child from some terrible danger I could never recall once I was awake no matter how hard I tried. When I had talked about this with Doctor Thracer he theorised that it was my subconscious fear of not carrying to term but I wasn’t so sure. I had always had bad dreams, some worse than others but these ones were indefinable and insidious. As if some terrible enemy was out there waiting, lurking to create havoc on my life, my world and everything I knew.
Knowing that I was not going to get back to sleep I heaved myself out of the bed, got dressed and made my way down to the small cantina. The night cook on duty, Toryyn Tuary glanced at me knowingly. This was not the first time he had seen me after a bad nightmare and I was sure it wouldn’t be the last.
“Same as usual?”
I nodded and watched as he made me a large cup of something he called a’shai which was warm, creamy, somehow very comforting and didn’t make me sick. I loved the blend of spices he used to make the drink whose recipe had been his mother’s. She had made this drink for him and his brother when they were children to help them sleep.
“How’s the family doing Toryyn?”
“Good, I got word that my sister’s having another baby. I am going to be an uncle again.”
I grinned. “Wow congratulations. How many does this one make?”
“This will be her fourth child.” He smiled and then asked hesitantly, “How are you doing?”
“You mean aside from the terrible sleeping habits? I’m good.” I answered with a smile.
“Glad to hear it.” He said handing me a large mug.
“So what is the latest scuttlebutt?” I asked taking a welcome sip from my a’shai. Toryyn was the best source of base gossip around.
“Marika and joshi are a couple.”
I smiled. “That’s not news, anyone with half a clue could see that was going to happen.”
“True.” Toryyn nodded, “But now it’s official.”
I laughed. It was not unexpected that after a certain amount of time couples would start to happen on the base and while there was no outright directive against it, Thrawn was smarter than that, most people didn’t go out of their way to announce it either. “Sometimes living here is like being in the middle of a bad holo-drama.”
He gave me a look which said ‘and you would know all about that wouldn’t you’. “I did hear a whisper that The Admiral was in the Kessel Sector, near Honoghr but that was a while back, I also heard something went on at Endor.”
“Really?” I raised an eyebrow. “Wonder what he was doing all the way out there.”
He shook his head. “No idea, they don’t give us cooks any real information but the Virulent is orbit maybe there lays your answer.”
“The Virulent?” I asked, “When did they arrive?”
“A couple of hours ago, I had a few of the crew come through here.” He said, “They like my nala pudding it seems.”
I glanced up at the chrono on the wall. “You’re about to get busier, the watch just changed.”
“The hungry hoards wanting breakfast before they go to bed, go figure. I love this time of the morning.” He gave me his sweet one sided grin and nodded at the first group to come through the door. “Show time.”
“Talk to you later, I’m headed to the back lounge to read.” I gave him a little wave and then left before the full watch change crowd came in and things got loud.
I liked the smaller lounge because it was usually quiet and not well used so I could sit in my favourite chair near the window and read without anyone bothering me. Tonight I was all on my own which was nice.
I was currently half way through a book, a set of biographies of renowned Chiss personalities that had been given to me by one of my language students. It was fun to read and I had been pleasantly surprised to find that Thrawn had been considered a “personality” although there wasn’t much written that I didn’t already know. It was fun to read but it also made me miss him more.
I marked my place in the book with my finger and stared mindlessly out of the window wondering what the hell Thrawn was doing in the Kessel Sector. The last I had heard he had returned to Myrkr to destroy what was left of the smuggler base he had found there. Honoghr was Rukh’s home world but I could not come up with any good reason why Thrawn would want to go there.
Rukh had told me once in a rare talk that his home world had been all but destroyed by the Rebellion and that Darth Vader had promised to help rebuild it but I didn’t know more than that. There wasn’t much written about Honoghr in the planetary database and even less about the beings that inhabited it. I guess that neither the Emperor nor Lord Vader had wanted anything public about one of the most ruthless assassins in the galaxy. When Lord Vader had rewarded Thrawn by giving him the Noghri Thrawn had been pretty tight lipped about it. When I had first met Rukh it was not the very best of circumstances but since then we had become friends of a sort, as much as friends was possible with a deadly Noghri assassin. He trained with me occasionally because Thrawn had asked him to but personally I think he enjoyed putting me on my ass. Most of the time I enjoyed the workouts, the Noghri fighting style was singular and beautiful and I had learned a lot. I was so deep in thought that I didn’t hear the door open nor did I notice the person walking up to where I was sitting until he spoke half scaring me out of my seat.
“I was told I could find you in here.” The voice was warm and familiar.
I looked up and smiled. “Ged!”
“Well that’s a smile worth travelling light years for.” He said leaning down to kiss my cheek. I didn’t pull away from him and smiled at his familiarity. It was a good job the room was empty; the gossip mill would run rampant. He pulled up a seat next to mine and sat back in it with a sigh.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, “I wasn’t expecting the Virulent back for weeks.”
“New intel and supplies, it’s a short turn around.” He said evasively with a slight shrug. “So how have you been?”
“Doing okay. Had a bout of the Corellian flu but I’m getting better. I hope that you’ve been vaccinated against it, it’s on the base.”
He grinned, “Already taken care of. You’re up late or should I say early.”
“Bad dreams.”
Ged knew all about my nightmares. “Well that explains the shadows under your eyes but not the fact that you are glowing, you look radiant. I guess living here must agree with you.”
It was my turn to shrug. “No one is shooting at me, I don’t get woken up every few hours with surprise drills and the food here is better so I guess that helps.”
He laughed. “I will be sure to tell Remy you said that about his food.”
“Don’t you dare! He was already insulted enough as it was when I wouldn’t touch his version of Corellian Spice cake.”
Ged smiled at the memory. “And then he was about as apologetic as it gets once he found out the reason.”
“Now you know why I call that cake Zaarin’s surprise.”
“You do seem to attract the scyks, especially the older, more influential ones.”
“Was that a dig Admiral Larsen?” I asked with a smile.
“Maybe a small one.” He conceded.
I shrugged. “I cannot help it if older men found me interesting but you know the same could be said for almost all the palace girls. I think older men just love young women.”
“I wouldn’t know.” Ged replied. “I stayed away from that kind of trouble.”
“Until I came along it seems.”
He gave me a sideways look. “Oh Merly you are whole new level of pain in the rear. Palpatine warned me about you.”
“He did?”
Ged nodded. “Mmm, but that’s a story for another time though. I am not here long enough to tell it.”
I just smiled at the familiar bantering. “So how are things going on the campaign front?”
“It’s like an elegant dance.” Ged said with a graceful gesture of his hand. “And you know better than anyone else just how clever Thrawn is at complicated dance moves but the rebs are smart. They seem to manage to get past some of his plans and that crazy old Jedi master Thrawn has working for him is a real piece of work.”
“Have you met him?”
“No, Thrawn keeps our fleets quite separate. He doesn’t want to tip his hand to the rebels that we even exist.” Ged said brushing away a piece of non existent lint from his trousers.
I smiled. “He always keeps his cards close to his chest. It gets annoying after a while” I said. “I don’t doubt that Thrawn can keep his dark-side pet under control though. That’s what his furry little friends from Myrkr are for.”
“Yes and their effects are most unpleasant.”
I nodded knowingly. “Well don’t go down to the sublevels then, the place is full of them.”
“Is that so?”
I shook my head. “You’ll have to ask Thrawn about it all. I am sworn to secrecy.”
“More cloak and saber stuff.” Ged retorted dismissively. “Thrawn’s whole campaign is full of it.” He shook his head, “Well, C’boath is on Jomark for the time being.”
“So what was Thrawn doing at Endor?”
“You heard about that? Aside from dealing with rebels there, he met an old friend, I believe.”
“Oh?”
“Ever hear of a smuggler named Kaarde?” Ged asked.
I nodded. “Talon Kaarde, yeah I’ve heard of him. Information is his game, likes to play all sides of the fence depending on who pays best, usually smart enough not to get killed while doing it but he’s not any friend of mine, old or otherwise.”
“Thrawn had him taken prisoner.”
“What? How’d he manage that? Kaarde is about as wily as it gets in the smuggler not wanting to be taken alive category.”
“It’s true. Apparently Kaarde’s new girlfriend gave him up.”
“Kaarde has a girl? That’s news to me, all the gossip usually says is that he was just too busy being the underworld’s new man to have time for a girl, not that many didn’t try.”
“Actually, you know her.” Ged said smugly, “Speaking of palace girls.”
“Now I am intrigued.”
“You remember the Emperor’s favourite courtesan?”
“Oh you’re kidding me.” I said. “Mara Jade is slumming with Talon Kaarde? I thought she was dead. She just vanished after escaping from Ysard’s clutches.”
“Apparently not.” Ged made a face. “She went to Thrawn. Wanted to rejoin the Imperial forces but really was there to bargain.”
“Bargain?”
“Kaarde’s life for the Katana Fleet.”
“Oh this just gets better and better.” I said, “The Katana Fleet? Give me a break. That’s a fairy tale pilots talk about when they’ve had one too many.”
“Well according to Jade it’s very real and she bargained Kaarde’s life for it.”
I raised both eyebrows. “Wow.” This was an unexpected twist.
Ged’s laughter filled the room. “You said it.”
His laugh was infectious and I giggled until it hurt wincing at the sudden sharp pain in my belly.
“Everything under control?” Ged asked catching my expression.
I took a deep breath, “Yeah just not used to laughing like that.”
“You’re with the wrong guy then.” He said with a smirk.
“Keep trying Admiral.” I grinned at him once the pain had subsided. There was a moment’s silence and then I asked. “So what did you really want to see me about Ged?” and suddenly the atmosphere in the room wasn’t quite so warm any more.
The nightmares were almost always the same, ending with me waking while trying to protect my unborn child from some terrible danger I could never recall once I was awake no matter how hard I tried. When I had talked about this with Doctor Thracer he theorised that it was my subconscious fear of not carrying to term but I wasn’t so sure. I had always had bad dreams, some worse than others but these ones were indefinable and insidious. As if some terrible enemy was out there waiting, lurking to create havoc on my life, my world and everything I knew.
Knowing that I was not going to get back to sleep I heaved myself out of the bed, got dressed and made my way down to the small cantina. The night cook on duty, Toryyn Tuary glanced at me knowingly. This was not the first time he had seen me after a bad nightmare and I was sure it wouldn’t be the last.
“Same as usual?”
I nodded and watched as he made me a large cup of something he called a’shai which was warm, creamy, somehow very comforting and didn’t make me sick. I loved the blend of spices he used to make the drink whose recipe had been his mother’s. She had made this drink for him and his brother when they were children to help them sleep.
“How’s the family doing Toryyn?”
“Good, I got word that my sister’s having another baby. I am going to be an uncle again.”
I grinned. “Wow congratulations. How many does this one make?”
“This will be her fourth child.” He smiled and then asked hesitantly, “How are you doing?”
“You mean aside from the terrible sleeping habits? I’m good.” I answered with a smile.
“Glad to hear it.” He said handing me a large mug.
“So what is the latest scuttlebutt?” I asked taking a welcome sip from my a’shai. Toryyn was the best source of base gossip around.
“Marika and joshi are a couple.”
I smiled. “That’s not news, anyone with half a clue could see that was going to happen.”
“True.” Toryyn nodded, “But now it’s official.”
I laughed. It was not unexpected that after a certain amount of time couples would start to happen on the base and while there was no outright directive against it, Thrawn was smarter than that, most people didn’t go out of their way to announce it either. “Sometimes living here is like being in the middle of a bad holo-drama.”
He gave me a look which said ‘and you would know all about that wouldn’t you’. “I did hear a whisper that The Admiral was in the Kessel Sector, near Honoghr but that was a while back, I also heard something went on at Endor.”
“Really?” I raised an eyebrow. “Wonder what he was doing all the way out there.”
He shook his head. “No idea, they don’t give us cooks any real information but the Virulent is orbit maybe there lays your answer.”
“The Virulent?” I asked, “When did they arrive?”
“A couple of hours ago, I had a few of the crew come through here.” He said, “They like my nala pudding it seems.”
I glanced up at the chrono on the wall. “You’re about to get busier, the watch just changed.”
“The hungry hoards wanting breakfast before they go to bed, go figure. I love this time of the morning.” He gave me his sweet one sided grin and nodded at the first group to come through the door. “Show time.”
“Talk to you later, I’m headed to the back lounge to read.” I gave him a little wave and then left before the full watch change crowd came in and things got loud.
I liked the smaller lounge because it was usually quiet and not well used so I could sit in my favourite chair near the window and read without anyone bothering me. Tonight I was all on my own which was nice.
I was currently half way through a book, a set of biographies of renowned Chiss personalities that had been given to me by one of my language students. It was fun to read and I had been pleasantly surprised to find that Thrawn had been considered a “personality” although there wasn’t much written that I didn’t already know. It was fun to read but it also made me miss him more.
I marked my place in the book with my finger and stared mindlessly out of the window wondering what the hell Thrawn was doing in the Kessel Sector. The last I had heard he had returned to Myrkr to destroy what was left of the smuggler base he had found there. Honoghr was Rukh’s home world but I could not come up with any good reason why Thrawn would want to go there.
Rukh had told me once in a rare talk that his home world had been all but destroyed by the Rebellion and that Darth Vader had promised to help rebuild it but I didn’t know more than that. There wasn’t much written about Honoghr in the planetary database and even less about the beings that inhabited it. I guess that neither the Emperor nor Lord Vader had wanted anything public about one of the most ruthless assassins in the galaxy. When Lord Vader had rewarded Thrawn by giving him the Noghri Thrawn had been pretty tight lipped about it. When I had first met Rukh it was not the very best of circumstances but since then we had become friends of a sort, as much as friends was possible with a deadly Noghri assassin. He trained with me occasionally because Thrawn had asked him to but personally I think he enjoyed putting me on my ass. Most of the time I enjoyed the workouts, the Noghri fighting style was singular and beautiful and I had learned a lot. I was so deep in thought that I didn’t hear the door open nor did I notice the person walking up to where I was sitting until he spoke half scaring me out of my seat.
“I was told I could find you in here.” The voice was warm and familiar.
I looked up and smiled. “Ged!”
“Well that’s a smile worth travelling light years for.” He said leaning down to kiss my cheek. I didn’t pull away from him and smiled at his familiarity. It was a good job the room was empty; the gossip mill would run rampant. He pulled up a seat next to mine and sat back in it with a sigh.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, “I wasn’t expecting the Virulent back for weeks.”
“New intel and supplies, it’s a short turn around.” He said evasively with a slight shrug. “So how have you been?”
“Doing okay. Had a bout of the Corellian flu but I’m getting better. I hope that you’ve been vaccinated against it, it’s on the base.”
He grinned, “Already taken care of. You’re up late or should I say early.”
“Bad dreams.”
Ged knew all about my nightmares. “Well that explains the shadows under your eyes but not the fact that you are glowing, you look radiant. I guess living here must agree with you.”
It was my turn to shrug. “No one is shooting at me, I don’t get woken up every few hours with surprise drills and the food here is better so I guess that helps.”
He laughed. “I will be sure to tell Remy you said that about his food.”
“Don’t you dare! He was already insulted enough as it was when I wouldn’t touch his version of Corellian Spice cake.”
Ged smiled at the memory. “And then he was about as apologetic as it gets once he found out the reason.”
“Now you know why I call that cake Zaarin’s surprise.”
“You do seem to attract the scyks, especially the older, more influential ones.”
“Was that a dig Admiral Larsen?” I asked with a smile.
“Maybe a small one.” He conceded.
I shrugged. “I cannot help it if older men found me interesting but you know the same could be said for almost all the palace girls. I think older men just love young women.”
“I wouldn’t know.” Ged replied. “I stayed away from that kind of trouble.”
“Until I came along it seems.”
He gave me a sideways look. “Oh Merly you are whole new level of pain in the rear. Palpatine warned me about you.”
“He did?”
Ged nodded. “Mmm, but that’s a story for another time though. I am not here long enough to tell it.”
I just smiled at the familiar bantering. “So how are things going on the campaign front?”
“It’s like an elegant dance.” Ged said with a graceful gesture of his hand. “And you know better than anyone else just how clever Thrawn is at complicated dance moves but the rebs are smart. They seem to manage to get past some of his plans and that crazy old Jedi master Thrawn has working for him is a real piece of work.”
“Have you met him?”
“No, Thrawn keeps our fleets quite separate. He doesn’t want to tip his hand to the rebels that we even exist.” Ged said brushing away a piece of non existent lint from his trousers.
I smiled. “He always keeps his cards close to his chest. It gets annoying after a while” I said. “I don’t doubt that Thrawn can keep his dark-side pet under control though. That’s what his furry little friends from Myrkr are for.”
“Yes and their effects are most unpleasant.”
I nodded knowingly. “Well don’t go down to the sublevels then, the place is full of them.”
“Is that so?”
I shook my head. “You’ll have to ask Thrawn about it all. I am sworn to secrecy.”
“More cloak and saber stuff.” Ged retorted dismissively. “Thrawn’s whole campaign is full of it.” He shook his head, “Well, C’boath is on Jomark for the time being.”
“So what was Thrawn doing at Endor?”
“You heard about that? Aside from dealing with rebels there, he met an old friend, I believe.”
“Oh?”
“Ever hear of a smuggler named Kaarde?” Ged asked.
I nodded. “Talon Kaarde, yeah I’ve heard of him. Information is his game, likes to play all sides of the fence depending on who pays best, usually smart enough not to get killed while doing it but he’s not any friend of mine, old or otherwise.”
“Thrawn had him taken prisoner.”
“What? How’d he manage that? Kaarde is about as wily as it gets in the smuggler not wanting to be taken alive category.”
“It’s true. Apparently Kaarde’s new girlfriend gave him up.”
“Kaarde has a girl? That’s news to me, all the gossip usually says is that he was just too busy being the underworld’s new man to have time for a girl, not that many didn’t try.”
“Actually, you know her.” Ged said smugly, “Speaking of palace girls.”
“Now I am intrigued.”
“You remember the Emperor’s favourite courtesan?”
“Oh you’re kidding me.” I said. “Mara Jade is slumming with Talon Kaarde? I thought she was dead. She just vanished after escaping from Ysard’s clutches.”
“Apparently not.” Ged made a face. “She went to Thrawn. Wanted to rejoin the Imperial forces but really was there to bargain.”
“Bargain?”
“Kaarde’s life for the Katana Fleet.”
“Oh this just gets better and better.” I said, “The Katana Fleet? Give me a break. That’s a fairy tale pilots talk about when they’ve had one too many.”
“Well according to Jade it’s very real and she bargained Kaarde’s life for it.”
I raised both eyebrows. “Wow.” This was an unexpected twist.
Ged’s laughter filled the room. “You said it.”
His laugh was infectious and I giggled until it hurt wincing at the sudden sharp pain in my belly.
“Everything under control?” Ged asked catching my expression.
I took a deep breath, “Yeah just not used to laughing like that.”
“You’re with the wrong guy then.” He said with a smirk.
“Keep trying Admiral.” I grinned at him once the pain had subsided. There was a moment’s silence and then I asked. “So what did you really want to see me about Ged?” and suddenly the atmosphere in the room wasn’t quite so warm any more.
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